Onrec talking bollocks again

Apparently, Onrec is rebranding. Fair enough. It's a very unattractive website.

But have a look at the article they ran about it today:

"Onrec is a multi-platform brand that has for ten years been the most influential global source of information and knowledge for online recruitment professionals predominantly in the UK and in the US but also globally."

I'll be the judge of that.

The Hotter Headhunter - Russell Reynolds

Ah, ladies. Gentlemen. It's time for Russell Reynolds.

Oh, yes. I've been waiting for this. Savouring it in much the same way that I might savour an Hoyo de Monterrey cigar with a particularly fine Macallan single malt. There's nothing more fun than poking fun at a British branch of an American firm.

Firstly, I'd like to set out my choice for best looking chap. Well, it wasn't hard. Peter Evans. Why? For this photo that was clearly taken while he was perched on the lavatory. Straining. That is the sort of style you need to develop to lead the firm's Asia/Pacific and Europe consumer sector.

And I can't help but notice that RR have got much better loos than us. Check out the little pot plant. Nice.

But, of course, it wouldn't be right to just look at the chaps. Oh no. THAT would be sexist. And I'd have to get a job at Nomura.

As usual, there's a shortlist - quite a longlist really. Now, before I start, I am going to say I am going to work VERY HARD not to get too smutty. Because I have such an irrational love for RR, I'm NOT going to do it.

Not too often, anyway.

First up I should mention Katie Thomas. I am reliably informed that, were I a Japanese executive who's firm had recently made a substantial investment banking-shaped purchase, I might have to make a comment about "honkers". But from this photo, I'm not so sure.

There's Siobhan Caragher who - despite not wearing pearls in her picture - went to Exeter. Exeter girls are *always* marvellous. Although Ms. Caragher looks like she's not to be toyed with. Much more likely to 'toy' me in fact. Ouch.

Jane Dowding is also ex-Exeter. Wierdly, she's not wearing pearls in her photo. I thought that was part of the deal when they gave you a degree at Exeter. Either way, she looks rather playful (sorry - no room for a picture - you'll have to click through). Very playful, in fact. Imagine the converstation with the corporate photographer that morning, "Now Ms. Dowding, could you give me a slightly playful smile. Christ, not that playful! My Savile Row will need a trip to the dry cleaners."

She looks almost as naughty as Caroline Raggett (see above right).

And while we're on the subject of rather smart university careers, I should mention Hetty Pye. She's got the pearls on in her picture - but much, much more importantly, she - oh, sweet Mary Mother of God, yes - was at Brasenose.

Brasenose!

Anyone with ANY experience of Brasenose graduates will be able to tell you, that when it comes to intercourse, they are utterly, UTTERLY corrupt. That college has the sexual morals of ancient Rome. In fact, that's not fair. I'm selling them short. Caligula could have learnt a lot from the average Brasenose alumnus. I have been staggered at the darkness of the horses that Brasenose has turned out. You'd never suspect it. Filthy. FILTHY!

Now, because I want this blog to be a bit of fun and not too offensive (although I think I'm probably stepping over the line with this post), I AM IN NO WAY SUGGESTING THE FOLLOWING OF HETTY PYE. I am sure Ms Pye is wonderful. Her photo and her CV suggest she's a clean-living serious professional. An asset to her firm. BUT the girls' I have banged from Brasenose were obsessed with anal sex.

That's all I'm saying.

Agnes Greaves looks positively dangerous. I wouldn't risk trying to roll over for a nap when it was all over. You'd end up sleeping with the fishes. But I suppose that risk is half the fun.

But ultimately, the number one spot cannot fail to go to anyone but Sarah Galloway. Intelligent (a girl from the fenns) she's a member of the industrial/natural resources sector. And we are talking some top-notch natural resources if you ask me. She's a sort of corporate cross between Kirsty Allsop and Nigella Lawson. I was going to say more, but, frankly, it was about to get obscene. Even worse than the Brasenose comment.

If you want to know more, email me and I'll give you a couple of choice paragraphs.

The Hotter Headhunter - Heidrick & Struggles

Mmmmmmm. Over the past fortnight, I've been reviewing the stiff competition provided by Heidrick & Struggles for the latest Hotter Headhunter award. And I do mean stiff.

Lots of very good looking consultants and 60 hugely intelligent people with CVs to die-for working for a massively successful company. And I've been checking out their web profiles to see if any of them are worth boffing. It would be tragic if it weren't so much fun.

But, after intense soul searching I have picked just one of these lovely ladies - and may God have mercy on my soul for doing so.

It wasn't easy. First there was Anita Hoffman, who's Swedish and looks as if she could blow your cock off from a distance of 50 feet. Ms Hoffman, vill du bli med hem och slicka på min frimärkssamling? Bet you would.

Then there's Jenni Hibbert who's clearly a pretty saucy sort of a minx. Headhead. Very athletic.

And I'd love to cast my vote into Fonomara Jeffreys ballot box - but sadly there's a French connection there which rather rules her out.

Ultimately, though my fellow members of the headhunting community - I have picked Sarah Windle. God bless her. If I ever get the opportunity to go seagulling in Burlington Gardens, I shall keep my fingers crossed that it's her my mates and I are targeting (definition 3 on the link, obviously). She's so spectacularly lovely, I am even prepared to ignore the fact she's fluent in French.

Sarah Windle, you can build my Leadership Team any time.

This week's honourable mention to Adam Vaughan who looks as if he belongs on the door of a nightclub rather than in this godforsaken industry.

The Hotter Headhunter - Egon Zehnder

Due to receiving literally NO VOTES from all the readers I have ammassed over the years, I have been forced to pick the winner of the first "The BlunterHeadhunter's Hotter Headhunter" myself.

I am pleased to say it has been a not entirely unpleasant process.

And the winner is.... Sophie Hanson of Egon Zehnder.

Quite apart from her obvious fox-tasticness, her CV has got me boring a hole in the bottom of my desk with my trouser-drill. MBA from Harvard; read Economics at Columbia. Formerly Marketing Director at Stella McCartney Ltd. Phwoar. You wouldn't want to fuck with her in a meeting would you. She'd take you to the cleaners.

What's she like to work with? Don't tell me. I don't want to spoil the illusion.

An honourable mention goes to John J. Grumbar who looks like a mafia boss from the Italian Job.